I'm A Woman

It’s Okay To be a Woman Again

Some years ago, I purchased my first home.  Although I was unmarried and lived alone, home ownership inspired the domestic chica in me, I suppose.  I wanted to cook the fine meals, have the beautifully decorated and neat house, and dress to the nines everywhere I went.  Then, reality struck!  I was pursuing my Master’s degree and working full time.  Despite my grand scheme to be perfect in every facet of my life, it just wouldn’t all fit.

Either the career suffered and the house was perfect or vice versa.  I felt like a failure.

Being 27 at the time, I worried about still being in college and wondered if I could ever manage a marriage if I was already struggling.  Furthermore, I was afraid to ask for help.  Women today are encouraged into careers and education; those who choose to be homemakers are often denigrated.  How could I admit that I really wanted to be feminine?

The feminist movement of the 1960s and 1970s (which, by the way, began in the 1850s!) altered much of women’s day-to-day lives.  Women were encouraged to pursue math and the sciences, to reach for higher education, to focus on careers before family.

Please don’t misunderstand, I am not criticizing those with careers and education.  I myself work full-time and have my master’s degree.  It’s just that in the midst of trying to be equal, women lost so much more than they gained….and gained more than they bargained for.

Thanks to the feminist movement, we’ve lost the respect of many men.  How rarely do men offer to hold doors open for women, give up their seat for them in a crowded waiting room, or abstain from course language in their presence.  Thanks to the grind of increasingly demanding careers, we’ve lost valuable time with our children, the ability to surprise our husbands with dinner, and the peace that comes from taking care of yourself. 

We’ve gained the worries of a career but never laid aside the duties of housework.  We’ve gained the long hours at the office but never laid aside the responsibility to feed our families.  It seems our workload has doubled thanks to this new-found ‘freedom!’

Our economy doesn’t help matters either; many families have determined that they simply cannot survive on one salary alone.

If you’re anything like me a few years ago, you feel like a scroungy mut drowning in the neighbor’s pool, your head bobbing up for air in between waves.  You can’t seem to get your bearings or find the shore.  And what’s worse, your lack of balance has convinced you that you are a failure as a woman.

There’s Always A Lifeline

It was during this desperate time that I found a used book in an old bookstore, entitled It’s OK To Be a Woman Again.  The author, Elizabeth Skoglund, believes a bit differently than we do, being a Calvinist; however, her words of wisdom regarding the varying roles of women were a welcome tonic for my discouragement.  Allow me to share some of her wisdom with you:

• “No woman can play all the roles at the same time” (p. 25).  So stop trying to do so!  When men get off work, they often bury themselves in the newspaper, ready to relax for the evening; the working woman, however, busies herself with laundry, dinner, and her kids’ homework.  It is important that you realize your need for relaxation and understand your limits.  Discuss edividing up the household tasks with your husband if you work outside the home; there is no shame in being a team!
• “Equality with men has nothing to do with being like a man. We are marvelously different, but completely equal in value” (p. 23).  It is feminist rhetoric that has degraded being feminine, compassionate, and oriented around our homes and families.  We must realize that God created men and women differently; it is mankind (and womankind in this case) that has placed a value on different traits rather than appreciating how the strengths of both men and women work together for the good of the family and the kingdom of God.  Be happy to be a woman!  Embrace your femininity!
• “Volumes could be written on the effect of the body on the mind” (p. 63).  Despite all the pressures upon women today, it is imperative that you take time for you and time for you and God!  First, putting God at the center of our day will give us the peace to endure the rest!  Second, taking care of your well-being is crucial if you expect to be present when your children and husband need you most!
• “Biblical women were entrepreneurs, judges, homemakers, and Bible teachers, just to mention a few roles.  Thus the Christian woman has the clarity of purpose set forth in the Bible, which allows for great potential in the development of ability and shares in the advantages of a society that daily opens doors for women” (34). In response to the feminist movement, some of our church leaders have, in turn, chosen to criticize women who must work outside the home.  Please realize that some of our ideas about femininity and the role of womanhood are cultural rather than scriptural.  It’s important to know the difference!

To know the difference, I’ve enlisted the help of a well-known passage of scripture, regarding virtuous women.

How To Be A Woman: Proverbs 31:10-30

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. ¹¹The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

A godly woman is faithful to her husband: in her affections and in the keeping of the house finances.

¹²She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. ¹³She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. ¹⁴She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. ¹⁵She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

A godly woman tends to the needs of her household: clothing, comfort, food, nourishment.

¹⁶She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

A godly woman is a good business woman, whether she works outside the home in the field or keeps the family finances in order.  She is not afraid to be an entrepreneur.

¹⁷She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. ¹⁸She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

Does this mean she doesn’t get any sleep? Well, if you’re a new mother, probably so.  However, this passage tends toward the understanding that she is ready at a moment’s notice to meet her family’s needs.

¹⁹She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. ²⁰She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

As mentioned in the New Testament as a requirement for all Christians, she is given to hospitality.  She is eager to welcome anyone into her home and is prepared to bless them with comfort and sustenance.

²¹She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. ²²She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

A godly woman takes care of herself.  She realizes that she is not only a representation of herself but also of her husband and her God.

²³Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. ²⁴She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Once again we see that the woman can contribute to the household income.  In biblical times, she would have been able to do this from the comfort and safety of her own home; unfortunately, that sort of job is less likely today.

²⁵Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. ²⁶She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

A godly woman is not given to gossip and weighs her words so that she teaches God’s word in love.  She is careful of her words.

²⁷She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. ²⁸Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. ²⁹Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

³⁰Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

I hope that this blog enriches your life as a woman; that is why it is entitled, Vive La Femme, or ‘Live the Feminine.’  It is simply because being a woman is a good thing.  And as women, we are worth loving.  Sometimes, however, we must learn to love ourselves first.

It’s OK To Be a Woman Again . . .


Image Credit: Handmaidens of the Lord.blogspot