In fact, the length of my hair is genetic. There are certain families that cannot grow hair much beyond the middle of their back as their bodies do not produce strong enough strands to withstand the onslaught of daily living.
I remember hating my hair as a teenager. Many were the times that some other teen--and sometimes even an adult--would approach me, asking if I had cut my hair. I was always so embarrassed that it wouldn't grow much longer than my shoulder blades. For a couple years during high school, I seldom wore it down. I had learned a few techniques for hiding the length of the my hair in a french twist where the cascading curls were actually taken from the crown of my head.
I didn't want to bring a reproach upon my father's ministry or to shame God. Eventually, however, I found that it's not about what everyone around you thinks. It's about being obedient to God.
If anything, my inability to grow long hair made me more understanding of others' flaws; I think twice before quickly assuming they are in 'transgression' just because what I see doesn't measure up to my expectations. Sometimes, there are genetic difficulties ... or even blessings that we are unaware of.
For instance, I also do not wear make-up but my mother suggested recently that I remove one of my profile pictures because my eyelashes looked too dark. She said, "With your blonde hair, no one will believe that's not make-up!"
Of course, if you know anything about me, you know that my father has--or shall we say had--jet black hair. I was, therefore, born with that same hair color. During my late childhood, my hair turned lighter and lighter like my mother's; my eyebrows and eyelashes remained black, however.
I feel pretty fortunate to have such a combination but, once again, sometimes it leads to disturbing questions.
Still A Quandary
Recently, I have changed careers--all glory to God! My previous position yeilded quite a bit of harrassment and an immense amount of pressure. Often, I couldn't keep the tears from overflowing my cheeks as I made dinner and my husband would just stand aside, not sure how to help.
This past November, my beloved grandfather passed away. November and December were exhausting...overwhelming. I was daily fearful for my job and the death seemed to push my family members and me over the top. So much was happening at once.
In response, my hair, which I had coaxed to almost reach my waist for the first time in my life, began falling out in handfuls. A couple weekends ago, my husband was talking to me while I combed my hair when another section simply came out in the brush. I just looked at him and began sobbing.
Although I am having blood tests taken to test my thyroid and check for anemia, my doctor has assured me that she believes the sudden hair loss to be due to the incredible amount of stress I have been under.
The frustrating part? I'm stressed about being stressed enough to lose my hair! Unfortunately, it is also breaking off like it's suddenly brittle and yellowing blades of grass. Not only can you see through it but it has broken off to shoulder length, roughly resembling the lovely furr of a sheepdog!
What To Do When My Best Falls Apart
Of course, I realize that I am not the only woman who faces such frustration. So many suffer from various maladies--many far more serious than losing hair--and they may not see how the sun will ever shine again.
As I walk through this trial, I just want to encourage any of you facing similar circumstances that, first, God does not look on the outside but rather looks on the heart.
He knows when you've given everything you have and find yourself empty, unable to meet the obligations facing you...and He will make up the difference. Just like he multiplied the oil for the widow whose sons were threatened with slavery, He can multiply the efforts you've made. Believe me...or rather, believe God...it will be enough!
Second, no matter how far down you fall...even when you do make mistakes and fail...God is there to catch you if you'll let Him. Deuteronomy 33:27 says, "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Beneath all the failures...beneath rock bottom...beneath it all...His arms are waiting to catch you!
And finally, God knows where you are. In Job 23:10, even Job in all of his trials could say, "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." He has never lost sight of you or lost touch with what you're going through. God has His eye...and His hand on you!
Just steer your eyes away from what you think everyone else is thinking of you...and keep it simple. Keep it just between you and God.
It's Not About Them Anyway
Although I am not Catholic, I love this poem attributed to Mother Teresa:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
(It was never between you and them anyway.)
I seldom share trials I am currently facing, but for some reason, I felt this may be needed today. I hope you enjoy this song that has given me solace so much lately. God bless...
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